It's a little after 4 here. I have to be back at work in a little less than 11 hours.

I want to thank everyone that has dropped by. I really expected this to be a quiet little corner of the web that my family and friends might come visit.

I had 5 comments after the blog had been up less than 24 hours! I was amazed. Even if one of them was "What an ass." !

My only complaint was that was all the person (only known as "Anonymous") person had to say. I included no "butt shots" in the blog, so, the comment couldn't have been positive. I don't mind negative comments, but some clue as to why the person felt that way would be nice.

To Alex, and Neo-Fascist?, thanks. I appreciate the support, even if I am a bit uncomfortable with being complimented by someone who identifies themselves as a neofascist.

Have a good night.

Kevin

I’ve been pretty lucky in my military career.

I knew the risks when I joined. Thought about them a great deal before I signed my initial contract. While I am a musician for the Army, I am still a soldier. I qualify on the M-16 (expert, BTW), do Physical Training almost daily … I’ve even qualified as a hand-to-hand combat instructor.

But, I’ve been lucky.

When we invaded Panama, I was in the Armed Forces School of Music. I couldn’t be deployed, I had to finish training.

During Desert Storm, my unit was needed at Fort Bliss, and couldn’t be deployed. (There were 8 Army Bands deployed during Desert Storm, of the roughly 45 bands that existed at the time.)

No bands were deployed to Somalia.

I wasn’t in the one band that was deployed to Haiti.

We has, as of yet (crossing my fingers), to deploy a band to Afghanistan.

I was in Korea when we invaded Iraq.

Then, I shipped from Korea to Germany, and joined the Big Red One.

One of the first things I was told when I got to my unit last August was that we were deploying shortly after the first of the year (2004).

Great! I just spent a year separated from my wife in Korea. Missed our 17th anniversary, her 36th birthday, celebrated my 37th alone. And now, I get to miss another year.

On February 10th, the First ID (Infantry Division) Band met at our building. Families in tow. At 0:dark 30. With all of our gear, in fresh new Desert Camoflage uniforms, and boots that hadn’t been broken in, yet.

We, eventually got on buses and went to the airport in Nuremburg. Sat around there for a few hours with several hundred other soldiers from other units, waiting on a plane.

We, finally, boarded a plane and flew into Kuwait City. Did some initial inprocessing (at midnight), and waited for buses to take us to the camp we would stay at until the division was ready to move into Iraq.

We stayed at Camp Udairi in Kuwait for about 3 weeks. It was a hellhole. We lived in tents that didn’t begin to keep the blowing sand out. Sleeping on cots. Your living area was your cot. There was just barely enough room between the cots so that you could get in yours at night. The showers constantly ran out of water … forget about it being hot water, any water and you were lucky. It was a good 10 minute walk to the closest shower from my tent. There were no toilets, just porta-johns.

There were, however, two Burger Kings, two Subways, a coffee shop, and a PX.

We did a little training. But, mostly, we got bored, and stayed bored.

Finally, we moved out for Iraq. The band was lucky. We flew in, and didn’t have to go in the cross country convoys.

We flew to Camp Anaconda. Anaconda was nicer than Udairi. There were hot showers, toilets that flushed. But everything was incredibly spread out, and there was no transportation.

By this time, I had developed a case of “jock-itch� that was almost unbearable. So, the walk to the chow hall (a couple of miles), or the PX (about the same), shoot! Even to the toilets a few hundred yards away was an interesting adventure in pain.

After 4 days of cooling our heels in Anaconda, we, finally, got a convoy to our final destination. FOB Iron Horse. The home of the 4 Infatnry Division. (The camp was named for the division. The division’s nickname is the “Iron Horse Division�.)

We started settling in here. To give you an idea of what the place is like, the title of this post will take you to a write up on the camp at globalsecurity.org .

I had been here about a month when the unit got a rather unique tasking. They needed a non-commissioned officer to take over as the full-time assistant manager of the camp’s rather large Morale, Welfare and Recreation facility.

I started working in that job on April 3rd, and have been doing that ever since. I still live in the same building as the band, but this is what I do full-time until the end of the deployment.

The person in the band that is acting as a liason to our families in Germany has started a weekly newsletter about what is going on in the band.

I was the subject of one of his articles, given that I don’t work with the band, anymore.

Here is what he wrote up:

This week begins a new section in which one member of the 1st Infantry Division Band is featured. This will be a weekly (hopefully) feature in which members who don’t normally get recognized in other articles get their chance to showcase what they do here.

This week’s feature member is SSG Kevin Robertson. When performing with the band, SSG Robertson plays the euphonium. Kevin James Robertson is the Night Shift Manager, Assistant Non Commissioned Officer in Charge (NCOIC) of the MWR Recreational Facility. Kevin hails from Abilene Texas and joined the Army in 1989.

Kevin must oversee the personnel and operations of the night shift. His shift begins at 3:00 PM and continues until 11:30 PM or 2:00 AM, depending upon events at the MWR. He has 4 military personnel under his direct control during his shift. One Soldier runs the “Sports Bar,� where Soldiers can go to relax and watch TV, or Sports (of course), hang out, listen to music (this is where Enter Sandman and Sandbox 20 perform in the evenings), and drink non-alcoholic beverages to their hearts’ content. The Sports Bar also sells snacks. Just outside the entrance to the “Sports Bar�, which is on the first floor is a kitchen that serves food from 7:30 PM until approximately 11:30 PM, depending upon demand. The other 3 Soldiers under Kevin’s control work here. The kitchen serves hamburgers, hot dogs and chips, along with other snacks.

The MWR Palace is one of three Presidential Palaces on the grounds of a sprawling palace compound that, at one time under Saddam Hussein’s rule, housed various recreational facilities including a zoo. In addition to the kitchen and Sports Bar, the 1st floor also has a gym where Soldiers can go get their workout on. The Internet Café, run and managed by Kellogg, Brown and Root (KBR), is on the top (3rd) floor along with living quarters and offices. The 2nd floor has the theater that doubles as the post chapel, the division Red Cross office and the Iraqi Bazaar with 13 Iraqi vendors, a barbershop, beauty shop, tailor and a masseuse. The basement houses a swimming pool that MWR hopes to open soon. Outside there is a basketball court and a volleyball court.

As part of his daily duties, SSG Robertson coordinates with KBR personnel for any special events that may be happening that evening. He also oversees the shift changeover, acts as sheriff enforcing the No Parking Zone on the street in front of the palace, getting food from the dining facility for the kitchen, and providing relief for the Sports Bar Manager to get breaks. At the end of the evening, he assists the kitchen and the Sports Bar to close down operations for the night. Occasionally, Kevin must attend the Battle Update Assessment (BUA) of the 4-3 ADA, who have the responsibility of providing services for the entire FOB, to include: force protection, physical facilities, and utilities. When he attends, Kevin provides the 4-3 commander (LTC Spurrier) with the MWR portion of the update. On Friday’s (the Muslim Holy Day), SSG Robertson comes in at 7:00 AM and covers the daytime duties as well as his own nighttime duties, this can make for a 20 hour day, as opposed to his normal 10 – 12 hour day. Then, Kevin gets a well-deserved break on Saturdays.

Kevin finds his job very rewarding since he gets to help Soldiers and people throughout his shift. “Everyday that I have been in this job there is at least one person that I have been able to help,� he said. There are times when Soldiers get stranded on the FOB without a place to stay, no money, no food, or a place to shower, and Kevin and his staff have been able to provide that for them. Kevin spends his precious little off time doing laundry, catching up with unit business, watching movies and doing logic puzzles. He finds time at the end of his shift to answer email, chat with his wife Amy, read the news, and surf the Internet and manage his 3 fantasy baseball teams.

Back at home, he and Amy are active in Community Theater, and he is an avid baseball fan. They are what he describes as “techno geeks� and enjoy computers, the Internet and gadgets. Aside from his wife, Kevin especially misses his two dogs. He had only returned from Korea for a year to go to Germany and deploy for another year away from them. He laments “that they listen at the door for me everyday,� and that they can’t be made to understand where he is and when he’ll be back home. The message he most wants to send home is, “I am good. I am safe. I work long hours, at odd times, but I am in a job where I get to help Soldiers on a daily basis. I have been able to make a number of Iraqi friends. I miss (my family and friends), terribly, but I feel like I am doing some real good here.�

The last biographical post I made took you through my experiences moving around (the Reader's Digest version).

Let's pick up where I left home, in 1984.

I went to college. Mom and Dad said they would pay for it all, but I had to go to a school that was sponsored by the church we went to. I grew up Church of Christ, so that limited my options a bit. I looked around, and the one with the best program in what I wanted to study was Abilene Christian University, in Abilene, TX.

I was there for 5 years, eventually, earning my Bachelor's of Music in Music Education. I, also, earned a K-12 teaching certification in Instrumental Music that I still hold in the state of Texas.

I love teaching music, but I love performing even more. And on the instrument that I majored in, there just weren't that many full-time performing jobs available. Okay, at the time, there weren't any ... in the civilian world.

The military, however, had a bunch. Over 70 in the Army alone, in fact.

I auditioned, qualified and signed a contract to become a euphonium (or baritone horn) player for the Army over Christmas break before I graduated from college.



I went to basic training in September of '89, at Fort Dix, NJ. Then, spent 4 months at the Armed Forces School of Music at Little Creek Naval Base in Virginia Beach, VA. After graduating from there, I went to my first duty station.




I served with the 62nd Army Band at Fort Bliss, TX for 5 years. While I was there, I performed on euphonium, trombone, tuba, trumpet, bass guitar, and did some singing, arranging, and conducting. I spent time as the music librarian, as well.



In 1995, I went on my first overseas tour. I served with the 79th Army Band in Panama for 3 years. Once again, I served in a variety of musical capacities, as well as military. Got to travel all over Central America.



In 1998, I returned to the States. I served with the 77th Army Band, at Fort Sill, OK. I performed on multiple instruments. I spent a lot of time on the road with the rock band as rhythm guitarist, and road manager. We performed for recruiting command all over the central part of the US. Pretty much everywhere from Wisconsin to Colorado. I, also, became the primary announcer for the band.




In 2002, I was sent to Korea. I was part of the 8th Army Band in Seoul. There, I was primarily, the tuba section leader, and the band's announcer. The rest of my time was spent as the head of the operations office for that band. (The ops shop is the one that coordinates all of a band's performances.)



In August of 2003, I reported into the First Infantry Division Band in Bamberg, Germany.

Which is where things began to get REAL interesting.

More on that later.

Did you hear John Kerry made a surprise visit to the Olympics?

He did pretty good.

He was only there 40 minutes, but he came away with 6 medals!

Then he threw them away!

(Another from my father-in-law. I admit, I had to think for a bit before I could come up with an answer for this one.)

With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work
accurately.

YOUR TEST (And a difficult one it is!)

You're in Florida. Tere is great chaos around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods.
There are huge masses of water all over you.... You are a CNN photographer and you are in the
middle of this great disaster.

You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you,
disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destroying power and is ripping
everything away with it.

You see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken away by the
masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the woman looks familiar. Suddenly you know
who it is - it's Hillary Clinton!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take her away, forever. You have
two options. You can save the life of Hillary Clinton, or you can shoot a Pulitzer Prize winning photo --- a unique photo
displaying the death of one of the country's most powerful women.

And here's the question: (Please be honest)

Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

(from my father-in-law)

CNN is reporting that Lance Armstrong may be stripped of his Tour de Francevictory.

In a random check for foreign substances, authorities found three 3 bannedby the French in Armstrong's hotel room.

The three substances were toothpaste, deodorant and soap.

Additionally, when examining Armstrong they found other unfamiliar items . .. including testicles and a backbone.

(Shouldn't "testicles" be singular?)

(Another from my father-in-law)

A woman bought a new Lexus LS430, and returned the next day, Complaining that she couldn't figure out how the radio worked. The Salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Watch this!" he said........"Nelson!"

The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he continued....and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

The woman drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time she'd say,"Beethoven", she'd get beautiful classical music, and if she said, "Beatles!" she'd get one of their awesome songs.

One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed her new car, but she swerved in time to avoid them.

"ASSHOLES!" she yelled . . .

The French National Anthem began to play, sung by the Dixie Chicks, accompanied by Jane Fonda, Michael Moore and John Kerry.

(Another from my father-in-law ... he's not much on Democrats, as you can tell)


How to start each day with a positive outlook:
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "John F. Kerry."
3. Send it to the trash.
4. Empty the trash.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to Delete John. F. Kerry?"
6. Camly answer, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly

"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." Ronald Reagan.

Stop Global WHINING--Vote Republican

(from my Dad, again)

All you really need to know about Government and Bureaucracy:
** Pythagorean theorem: .............................................. 24 words.
** Lord's prayer: ........................................................... 66 words.
** Archimedes' Principle: .............................................. 67 words.
** 10 Commandments: ................................................179 words.
** Lincoln's Gettysburg address: ..................................286 words.
** Declaration of Independence: ................................1,300 words.
US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.

(Besides spouting off, and sharing a few laughs, I'd like to give out some useful information as well here. So, here is a little something my Dad sent me.)

HOW TO SAY I LOVE YOU IN 17 LANGUAGES
English . . . . . . . . I Love You
Spanish . . . . . . . . Te Amo
French . . . . . .. . . Je T'aime
German . . . . . . . . lch Liebe Dich
Japanese . . . . . . . Ai Shite Imasu
Italian . . . . . .. . . Ti Amo
Chinese . . . . .. . . Wo Ai Ni
Swedish . . . . . . . Jag Alskar


Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana, Louisiana, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky & parts of Florida.

... Nice Ass, Get in the truck.

(From my Dad)

Corporate Lesson #1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she could say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "Did he give you the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson #2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her habit to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a good look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily reached over and slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way.

Upon his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Corporate Lesson #3

A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas, and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office right after lunch."

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.


Corporate Lesson #4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Corporate Lesson #5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Corporate Lesson #6

In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens knowing that it must outrun the fastest lion if it wants to stay alive.

Every morning, a lion wakes up knowing it must run faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.

Moral of the story:

It makes no difference whether you are a gazelle or a lion: When the sun comes up, you had better be hauling ass.

(My Mom sent me this one)

The Thermodynamics of Hell

The following is an actual exam question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their belief using Boyle's Law (Gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed.) or some variant.

a thinking man if i ever heard of one..........One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate that they are leaving."

"I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore no souls are leaving."

"As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that most souls go to Hell."

"With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially." "Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, then Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added." This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having that event take place, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only 'A' in the class!

(Some more from my Dad)

Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers:


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites
----------------------------------

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog
-----------------------------

FREE PUPPIES... Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog
------------------------------

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat .. been out awhile. better be reward.
-----------------------------------

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... Also 1 gay bull for sale
-------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby
------------------------------------

GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb.
------------------------------------------

NICE PARACHUTE: Never opened - used once
-----------------------------------------

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300
------------------------------------------

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

Well, my Dad does, and he sent me this:

THE ORIGINAL "HOLLYWOOD SQUARES" The following are questions and answers
from "Hollywood Squares" when it was broadcast in the 1970s. It's an
irreverent look back at humor that has managed to stand the test of time.

If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

True or false? A pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

At the end of the movie "The Planet of the Apes," what does Charlton
Heston see that makes him realize that he is actually in New York City?
Paul Lynde: A Puerto Rican.

You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

According to "Cosmo," if you meet a stranger at a party, and you think
he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if
he's married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

What are the two things women should never do in bed with their husbands?
Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but she still won't go up to your apartment.

In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say, "I love you?"
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

You are married in India. How did you probably meet your spouse?
Paul Lynde: We were fighting over a lima bean.

As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter, and I'll
give you a gesture you'll never forget!

Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

According to "Parade" magazine, on what night of the week is a woman most
likely to be molested?
Rose Marie: With my luck, it's tonight, and I'm working.

In the Arctic, the most fearsome animal is the polar bear. What is the
only thing a polar bear is afraid of?
Paul Lynde: A lonely Eskimo!

You've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during
your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had
given something to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.

True or false. Experts say there are only seven or eight things in the
world dumber than an ant.
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of them.

In a survey of teenage mothers, most of them said they were listening to
this when they got pregnant. What is it?
Paul Lynde: A pack of lies.

In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

When you pat a dog on its head, he will usually wag his tail. What will a
goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

According to Amy Vanderbilt, what is the maximum length of time you and
your fiance should be engaged?
Rose Marie: Engaged in what?

If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

It is the most abused and neglected part of your body-what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected!

What do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.

Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what
was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

According to police, if you are being molested, other than yelling,
"Help!" what is the best thing to scream?
Rose Marie: "More!"

When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.

What should you think when you walk into an apartment and all the walls
and carpets are brown?
Paul Lynde: The maid exploded.

Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

You're a 71-year-old man who has lost interest in sex. Does your doctor
have anything to help you?
Charley Weaver: No, but his nurse does.

(I'm not sure where my father-in-law finds this stuff)

Two Louisiana alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. . . I just don't get it. "

"Well, " said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin' boy? "

"Democrats, same as you, " replied the small 'gator.

"Hmm. Well, where do ya catch 'em? "

"Down at 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by Boudreaux's."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em? "

"Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexuses and waits fer someone to unlock the door. Then I jumps out, grabs 'em on the leg, shake the crap out of 'em, and eats 'em! "

"Ah! " says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment." "See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a Democrat, you ain't got nothin' left but lips and a briefcase."

(Another one from my father-in-law)

Dear Abby:

I am a crack dealer in Mt. Washington, KY, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Morehead and one of my sisters, who lives in West Liberty, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Covington. I have two brothers; one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Eddyville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Campton. She is a part time "working girl."

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé' and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who supports John Kerry for President?

The First Infantry Division is the unit I am currently serving with in Iraq. Here is some of their old news.

June 6, 2004
Forward Operating Base Danger, Tikrit, Iraq. The 1st Infantry Division and Task Force Danger continue to make a big difference in Iraq. Recent progress in the four provinces of North-Central Iraq is allowing the division to shift more of its efforts away from combat operations and place a significant amount of energy into stability and civil-military operations. The soldiers of Task Force Danger are working to improve infrastructure, equip and train competent Iraqi Security Forces, empower local governments, and set the conditions for Iraqi self-sufficiency. Our intent is to inform the public of the great work our service men and women are doing in Iraq. This bi-weekly press release is an effort to inform and garner support for our soldiers and their families.

The best news of the week.
Iraqis who had their land seized by Saddam Hussein now have a legal way to get it back or file a claim. In addition to an office in Kirkuk, the Iraqi Property Claims Commission (IPCC) is now opened for business in Tikrit in an old Ministry of Justice building.

In a ceremony on 28 May, Col. Randy Dragon, 2nd Brigade Combat Team (BCT) Commander, provided the keynote address and, along with Hamed Al Shuktee, the Deputy Governor of the Salah Ad Din Province, cut the ribbon draped across the office doors, symbolizing its official opening. Several Iraqi judges and high-level government officials were present to witness the ribbon cutting ceremony, including Mr. Najim Abd al-Wahid, the Chief Judge of Salah Ad Din; Mr. Ma'ath Ahmed Hamid, the President of the Salah Ad Din Lawyer’s Bar Association; and Sheik Jasim Naeif Abd Al Rahman, Sheik of the Al-Jibouri Tribe. The Task Force Danger Ministry of Justice was represented by Lt. Col. Stu Risch, Task Force Danger Staff Judge Advocate, and CPT Dan Stigall, the Legal Liaison to the Tikrit IPCC and the driving force behind its establishment and successful operation.

The Tikrit IPCC office has already taken in well over 100 claims from Iraqi citizens in the Tikrit area who lost land or were displaced due to Ba’athist policies. The Ministry of Justice expects thousands of claims in the Salah Ad Din province alone. The next phase in the development of the IPCC will be the establishment of the Salah Ad Din Office of the Regional Commissioner, the entity that will serve as the arbiter and adjudicator for the claims processed by the Tikrit IPCC Office. Initial discussions with the Chief Judge established that Iraqi courts will consider any appeals from the IPCC’s decisions. They will also consider any claims from any Iraqis, of whatever ethnicity, who were displaced but whose claims do not fall under the IPCC’s jurisdiction. The Ministry of Justice will also continued to pay claims to those Iraqi citizens whose property or possessions have been inadvertently damaged or destroyed as the result of coalition operations. To date, almost $300,000 has been paid out, typically in amounts equal to or less than $2,500 per family or individual.

Making a difference in the safety and security of Iraq.
Task Force Danger continues to prepare for the 30 June, 2004 transfer of sovereignty to the Iraqi Interim Government. Over the past two weeks, we have conducted several important events which will ultimately lead to Iraqi self-sufficiency.

The Iraqi Civil Defense Corps (ICDC) Training Center on Forward Operating Base (FOB) Danger recently opened. Two hundred and fifty-three future ICDC Non-Commissioned Officers enrolled in the inaugural two-week Primary Leadership Development Course (PLDC) and will graduate on June 10. The Training Center will also begin the first three-week basic training class designed for 400 students later this month. The driving force behind both the PLDC and basic training courses are US Army TRADOC drill instructors working side by side with Iraqi drill instructors in training. The mentorship of the Iraqi drill instructors will set the stage for Iraqi ownership of the training facility in the months to come.

The division recently hosted a Non-Governmental Organization (NGO) conference at Lake Dokan in Northern Iraq. The purpose of the conference was to encourage NGOs to return to North-Central Iraq to assist in reconstruction. The Iraqi governors from our four provinces briefed the details and needs of respective provinces and 1st Infantry Division brigade commanders described changes in threat conditions which would allow NGOs to return to work. The event was attended by 36 different organizations from Iraq, Norway, and Jordon. NGO competencies included community development, humanitarian aide, mine clearing, water and sanitation, rebuilding communities, and medical aide.

On Memorial Day, the division staff hosted the 5km Danger Dash at FOB Danger. It was a great event to kick off a very important day for the soldiers and families of Task Force Danger. The Division Combat Team conducted Memorial Day ceremonies at every forward operating base. Ceremonies consisted of a formation of troops, presentation of the colors, the playing of the National Anthem, remarks by the senior commander present, reading of the Commanding General’s Memorial Day message, a tribute to the 41 fallen comrades from Task Force Danger, and the singing of the division and Army songs. Memorial Days in the future will never be quite the same.

Operations throughout our area of operations continue in an effort to defeat Anti-Iraqi Forces (AIF) and break the cycle of violence against innocent Iraqi citizens.

Over the past two weeks, the “Quarterhorse� troopers of 1st Squadron, 4th U.S. Cavalry have continued to concentrate efforts in Ad Duluyiah; simultaneously defeating the enemy and working to dispose of over 18,000 rounds of assorted artillery munitions recently discovered in their area of operations. The cavalry squadron is fully committed over a vast area doing what cavalrymen do best.

The soldiers of the 2nd Brigade Combat Team (Dagger) continue to conduct deliberate combat patrols in order to provide security along division and corps lines of communication, conduct precise combat operations to kill or capture the enemy, and conduct stability operations to improve infrastructure and put Iraqi’s back to work. Task Force 1-18 completed an operation to register over 2,000 taxicabs in the Tikrit area to deter drivers from aiding the enemy in the conduct of attacks. The rest of the brigade will follow suit. The brigade also continues daily escorts of fuel convoys to support corps logistics and humanitarian efforts throughout Northern Iraq.

In the past two weeks, the 3rd Brigade Combat Team (Duke) focused on Operation Spring Clean-up. The main effort has been on the “Blue Babe Highway�, a stretch of road formally known as “RPG Alley�. Task Force 82 now has a firm grip on Blue Babe Highway and has all but eliminated IED cells and enemy. The brigade has shifted its main effort from kinetic operations to stability and support operations in order to facilitate a successful transition to Iraqi control by 30 June.

The 30th Brigade Combat Team (Old Hickory) and their attached Army and Air Force Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) teams have been working hard to clear ammunition caches and minefields left over from Saddam's regime from their area of operations. In the last three months, the brigade has discovered 135 such sites, 119 of which have been cleared of over 8,000 munitions of various types. This effort has dramatically reduced the danger to both Coalition Forces and Iraqi civilians from IEDs and unexploded ordnance and will lessen the negative impact that this material has on the environment.

Last week, the 2nd Brigade (Warrior) of the 25th Infantry Division conducted Operation Slim Shady in the important city of Kirkuk. This operation, aimed at crippling Muqtada Al Sadr’s Militia and seizing weapons stored in a local mosque, resulted in the capture of six targeted individuals including five enemy cell leaders. One of those captured was Sa’ad Abu Aws, the second in command of Maqtada Al Sadr’s Militia in Kirkuk. The response from the local populous was very favorable and the operation resulted in a drop in enemy activity in and around the city of Kirkuk.

Last week, the 4th Brigade (Dragon) supported Duke by picking up a sheikh and his son who had been detained for almost a year in Abu Ghraib, and transporting them back to their home in the Diyala province. 4th Brigade also assisted the combat engineers by videotaping a recon of the oil pipelines in North-Central Iraq to facilitate the identification of breaks in the line and development of a plan to repair them. The brigade continues its support to the division by transporting commanders and soldiers across our large battle space as well as by providing reconnaissance and security to the division. The brigade is maintaining a very high helicopter readiness rate.

The Division Artillery (Drumfire) has had an extremely productive two weeks. 1-33 Field Artillery hauled away more than 1.5 million pounds of Captured Enemy Ammunition (CEA) for destruction in Dagger’s area of operations. With the help of Team 5, 744 EOD Company from Fort Riley, Kansas, a total of 21,055 unexploded bomblets were also destroyed. In Duke’s area of operations, 1-33 Field Artillery has transported 2,252,000 lbs of CEA to destruction sites. DIVARTY’s staggering total for all CEA destroyed or transported currently stands at more than 7 million pounds. In addition, the DIVARTY has maintained a near perfect readiness rate of the division’s radars scattered throughout the area of operations.

Task Force Danger’s engineers of the 264th Engineer Group (Badgers) continue to patrol our main supply routes. Since the last report, Task Force Trailblazer cleared 17,823 kilometers of main supply routes of IEDs and mines. The 216th Engineer Battalion continues to make major improvements to quality of life and force protection at our 28 forward operating bases. The division’s own Engineer Brigade (Devastator) continues the Accelerated Iraqi Reconstruction Program, perhaps our most important long term contribution to the welfare of the Iraqi people. The brigade is writing statements of work, soliciting bids, and contracting major infrastructure projects to the tune of $62 million. These efforts directly contribute to making this country self-sufficient and putting people back to work. The brigade is also supervising the repair of the Tikrit Highway Bridge, a major infrastructure effort.

Continuing their outstanding support of the division are the hard working soldiers of the DISCOM (Durable) and the 167th Corps Support Group (Granite). In the past two weeks, these great soldiers have delivered over 250,000 gallons of fuel and 200,000 gallons of water in support of current operations. In addition, Durable and Granite have issued 1,770 rifles, 72 machine guns, and 260,000 rounds of ammunition to the Iraqi Security Force. In addition, DISCOM also received 50 UAZ jeeps for distribution to the Iraqi Civil Defense Corps.
Taking the elements of violence off the streets.

In the last two weeks, operations in the Task Force Danger have resulted in an estimated seventeen enemy killed, an estimated five enemy wounded, and an additional 118 Anti-Iraqi Forces detained. Forty-eight major enemy weapons and ammunition caches were also discovered. Significant ammunition seized from these caches included more than 290 rockets; 6,200 mortar, artillery and tank rounds; over 250 anti-aircraft rounds; 390 small arms weapons and rocket propelled grenades; seventeen Surface to Air Missiles; 310 grenades; and more than 2,000 rounds of small arms ammunition. Seventy-five improvised explosive devises were discovered prior to detonation, preventing the needless loss of life.

Strengthening the Infrastructure in Iraq

Task Force Danger, with the Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA) and the Iraqi people, continue to strengthen the civil infrastructure in North-Central Iraq. Over the past two weeks, several division level “Ministries� have shown great progress towards that goal.
The Task Force Danger Ministry of Justice recently hosted a luncheon and legal discussion group for local lawyers and judges. Several lawyers, including Chief Judge Abd al-Wahid; Mr. Abdel Hamid Salman, Senior Judge of the Salah Ad Din Criminal Court; Mr. Ahmed Hamid, of the local Bar Association; and numerous other Iraqi attorneys shared a meal and discussed the Transitional Administrative Law (TAL) and Iraqi sovereignty after 30 June. U.S. Army Judge Advocates and the 1st Infantry Division Chief of Staff answered numerous questions regarding federalism and fundamental rights, while the local judges and attorneys voiced their concerns and shared their opinions on the matter.

Additionally, the Joint Services Law Enforcement Teams continue their mission of investigating and prosecuting crimes against coalition forces before the Central Criminal Court of Iraq (CCCI). Last week, an Iraqi caught while in possession of explosive materials was sentenced by the Iraqi CCCI to seven years confinement, removing him as a continued threat to coalition forces and innocent Iraqis. Successful trials of this nature serve to deter criminals with significant prison sentences and by expressing moral condemnation of the action.

The Task Force Danger Public Works Team Chief, MAJ John Lawlor conducted a workshop recently with local Iraqi engineers representing the Salah Ad Din Province. The workshop was intended to assist local Iraqi engineers in the development of organized public works departments as well as project management offices. This program will support the Coalition Provisional Authority Program Management Office efforts to rebuild Iraq. The Iraqi engineers will become integral in the development and execution of the proposed program. Workshops such as this ensure that the engineers develop an organized approach that is consistent across the entire province.

The overall goal is to assist the communities within Task Force Danger’s area of operations to improve the essential services that are vital to its residents. Drinking water, power, and medical facilities are common areas where communities need help. The workshop was a great opportunity for the local engineers and the Division’s engineers to exchange ideas on how to improve the quality of life for Iraqi’s.

The Task Force Danger Ministry of Communication is currently taking steps to improve communications for soldiers attending training at the new North-Central Iraqi Civil Defense Corps Training Center. Local Iraqis are installing phone lines on the training facility for morale use by ICDC students and cadre. They are also working on getting a DirecWay Internet package of 20 computers for their use.

The Task Force Danger Ministry of Education began work on the installation of the third computer-learning center at the main universities in our area of operations. This facility, to be located at the University of Kirkuk, is composed of 15 computers with high speed Internet, and will be made available to faculty and students of the university. These computers, along with accompanying desks and chairs cost approximately $27,000 for each site. This will allow the faculty and students continuous access to the Internet.

The Task Force Danger Ministry of Commerce recently finished installation of an Internet package at the Tikrit Employment Center. This will allow the employment center to transfer data to the Baghdad office of the Ministry of Labor and Social Affairs. Over 4,000 people have registered in Salah Ad Din at the Tikrit office and the office has been able to find employment for 10 percent in one month. Refurbishment on the new site of the Iraqi American Chamber of Commerce (IACC) and Tikrit Business Center is now complete. Employee selection is complete for the IACC, and has begun for the Tikrit Business Center. The IACC will create a network of business throughout the area and provide consumers a venue to link up with contractors. The Tikrit Business Center will train businessmen on basic business skills and link small businessmen with capital and tenders.

Task Force Danger recently established an Iraqi Advisory Council that will advise and assist the division senior leaders and staff. The Iraqi Advisory Council, comprised of influential Iraqi’s from the North-Central Iraq and Task Force Danger leadership, met for the first time on 3 June to discuss and recommend solutions to problems preventing cohesion throughout the region. The group divided into four subcommittees to address specific issues. The economic subcommittee discussed ways to improve the overall economy of the region by increasing employment opportunities. The cultural subcommittee deliberated over Iraqi’s expectations following the 30 June transfer of sovereignty. The political subcommittee addressed concerns about the January 2005 elections and the security subcommittee attended to the issue of violence, ways to decrease it, and the rehiring of former Iraqi military. After subcommittee outbriefs, the conference wrapped up with a tour of the new North-Central Region Iraqi Civil Defense Corps Training Facility. This is a great example of Task Force Danger and Iraqi leaders working together to help North-Central Iraq successfully transition to sovereignty and focus efforts toward reconstruction and economic development.

Iraqi police officers in the province of Salah Ad Din received 24 new police cars courtesy of the 2nd Brigade Combat Team in a ceremony on 20 May. The cars were designated for police departments in several cities, including Tikrit, Balad, and Samarra, all within the Salah Ad Din province. Col Randy Dragon presented the cars to the Chief of Police for the Salah Ad Din Province, Brig. Gen. Mazher Taha Ahmad. Task Force Danger continues to address the challenges of equipping the Iraqi Police Service and these cars, bought from a local contractor, are a step in the right direction.

One hundred forty-seven Iraqi police officers graduated from the new Tikrit Police Academy in a ceremony 27 May. During the three-week course, the police officers were taught democratic police procedures, human rights, and policies of arresting and detaining criminals. This class is the largest graduating class of the academy and was solely taught by Iraqi civilian police. In his remarks to the graduating class, Colonel Gene Kamena congratulated the graduates and said the Iraqi police are making a huge difference. The Iraqi police are a professional force, and a great symbol of the future of Iraq.

A Ground Breaking Ceremony was held near Ash Sharqat on 26 May to mark the beginning of construction for a new elementary school building near Kassem Village.

LTC Kyle McClelland, TF 1-7 Commander, spoke to the students, parents and officials who attended the ceremony. He emphasized the importance of the youth and the role a quality education will play in Iraq’s future. Sharqat Mayor, the Honorable Muhsin Khalaf, echoed LTC McClelland’s words and extended his appreciation to TF 1-7 for their partnership with the community in this important endeavor. The ceremony was followed by a small luncheon provided by the contractor for the new school. During the luncheon, TF 1-7 Soldiers distributed school supplies collected from friends and relatives at home to the excited and smiling students of Othman School. The project is expected to be complete by July 1.

Conclusion

Task Force Danger continues to simultaneously conduct combat and stability operations that are leading to a secure environment and improved infrastructure. Our soldiers are making a huge difference in Iraq. Our family members are behind us 100 percent. The price has been high, but the soldiers of the 1st Infantry Division and Task Force Danger are resolute and steadfast. We will accomplish the mission. We have made great strides in partnership with the courageous people of Iraq towards their future of civil and military self-reliance. The American people should be very proud and confident in the outcome of the Operation Iraqi Freedom mission. Duty First!

Big night for the blog!

I cleaned out my Giggle and Political folders in my email box.

I even wrote a post. It's down there a ways. You might have to search for it a bit.

I have more stuff to share that I have collected, and, hopefully, I can get my hands on some of the stuff that I have written in the past.

Speaking of collections, my Bloglines blog has some new stuff added to it, as well. Bloglines is a great service to collect information. The link is over to the left, under "Fixing A Hole - Resources".

I'm going to try to write some more tomorrow. We'll see.

Speaking of this, does anyone else find it ironic that the Bush administration is coming out (pardon the pun) against gay marriage?

The President is the one, after all, that got Dick and Colin (think of the pronunciation) together again, after they had spent 8 years apart.

It is time for the majority to rule!

Samuel Thompson wrote: I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm not going to sue somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December.

I don't agree with Darwin, but I didn't go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his theory of evolution.


Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be endangered because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game.

So what's the big deal? It's not like somebody is up there reading the entire book of Acts.


They're just talking to a God they believe in and asking him to grant safety to the players on the field and the fans going home from the game.


"But it's a Christian prayer," some will argue. Yes, and this is the United States of America, a country founded on Christian principles and we are in the Bible Belt. According to our very own phone book, Christian churches outnumber all others better than 200-to-1. So what would you expect, somebody chanting Hare Krishna?

If I went to a football game in Jerusalem, I would expect to hear a Jewish prayer.

If I went to a soccer game in Baghdad, I would expect to hear a Muslim prayer.

If I went to a ping pong match in China, I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha.

And I wouldn't be offended. It wouldn't bother me one bit.

When in Rome...

"But what about the atheists?" is another argument. What about them?

Nobody is asking them to be baptized. We're not going to pass the collection plate. Just humor us for 30 seconds. If that's asking too much, bring a Walkman or a pair of
ear plugs. Go to the bathroom. Visit the concession stand. Call your lawyer.

Unfortunately, one or two will make that call. One or two will tell thousands what they can and cannot do. I don't think a short prayer at a football game is going
to shake the world's foundations.

Christians are just sick and tired of turning the other cheek while our courts strip us of all our rights.

Our parents and grandparents taught us to pray before eating, to pray before we go to sleep. Our Bible tells us just to pray without ceasing. Now a handful of people and their lawyers are telling us to cease praying. God, help us.

And if that last sentence offends you, well..........just sue me.

The silent majority has been silent too long...it's time we let that one or two who scream loud enough to be heard, that the vast majority don't care what they want...it is time the majority rules!

It's time we tell them, you don't have to pray...you don't have to say the pledge of allegiance, you don't have to believe in God or attend services that honor Him. That
is your right, and we will honor your right...but by golly you are no longer going to take our rights away. We are fighting back...and we WILL WIN! After all, the God you have the right to denounce is on our side!

God bless us one and all, especially those who denounce Him...God bless
America, despite all her faults...still the greatest nation of all....

God bless our service men who are fighting to protect our right to pray and worship
God...

May 2004 be the year the silent majority is heard and we put God back as the foundation of our families and institutions.

Keep looking up......
In God WE Trust

(I'm not sure if the following is totally true. I do know that the facts listed
about John Glenn's military and space program service are true.)

Some people still don't understand why military personnel do what they do for a living. This exchange between Senators John Glenn and Howard Metzenbaum is worth
reading. Not only is it a pretty impressive impromptu speech, but it's also a good example of one man's explanation of why men and women in the Armed Services do what they do for a living.

This IS a typical, though sad, example of what some who have never served think of the Military.

Senator Metzenbaum to Senator Glenn: "How can you run for Senate when you've never
held a "real job?"

Senator Glenn: "I served 23 years in the United States Marine Corps.

I served through two wars. I flew 149 missions. My plane was hit by antiaircraft fire on 12 different occasions.

I was in the Space Program.

It wasn't my checkbook, Howard; it was my Life on the line. It was not a nine to five job, where I took time off to take the daily cash receipts to the bank.

I ask you to go with me ... as I went the other day ... to a Veterans Hospital and look at those men -- with their mangled bodies -- in the eye, and tell THEM they didn't hold a job!

You go with me to the Space Program at NASA and go, as I have gone, to the widows
and orphans of Ed White, Gus Grissom and Roger Chaffee...and you look those kids in the eye and tell them that their DADS didn't hold a job.

You go with me on Memorial Day and you stand in Arlington National Cemetery, where I have more friends buried than I'd like to remember, and you watch those waving flags. You stand there, and you think about this Nation, and you tell ME that those
people didn't have a job?

I'll tell you, Howard Metzenbaum, you should be on your knees every day of your life thanking God that there were some men - SOME MEN - who held REAL jobs. And they
required a dedication to a purpose -- and a love of country and a dedication
to duty --that was more important than life itself. And their self-sacrifice is what made this country possible.

I HAVE held a job,Howard!

---What about you?"

For those who don't remember - During W.W.II, Howard Metzenbaum was an attorney representing the Communist Party in the USA.

If you can read this, thank a teacher.... If you are reading it in English, thank
a Veteran.

(From my father-in-law)

Should we send this to our Congressmen?

Is it just me or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall here she sleeps in the
state of Washington. Also they track her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.

The solution is to give every illegal alien a cow.

(From my sister-in-law, the teacher)

Federal No Kid Left Behind Act

Reacting to Federal Guidelines, the state of Massachusetts, which has been highlighted as a role model for student testing by the two U.S. Senators from this
State, released the following memo:

In response, the Federal No Child Left Behind Act, students will have to pass the test to be promoted to the next grade level. In the hopes that it will be uniformly adopted by all the states, thus illuminating Massachusetts to a glorious front runner position in education, it will be called: the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test(FART).

All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in grades 3-5 until such a time as they are capable of achieving a FART score of 80%. If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be placed in a separate English program, the Special Massachusetts Elective for Learning Language (SMELL).

If with this increased SMELL program the student cannot pass the required FART, he or she can graduate to middle school by taking a one-semester course in Comprehensive
Reading and Arithmetic Preparation (CRAP).

If by age fourteen the student cannot FART, SMELL or CRAP, he or she will earn a promotion in an intensive one-week seminar. This is the Preparatory Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students (PRUNES).

It is the opinion of the Massachusetts Department of Public Instruction that an intensive week of PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL or CRAP.

U.S. Senators Ted Kennedy and John Kerry stated that this revised provision of the student-testing testing program should help clear the air.

(Forwarded to me by my wife)

Yahoo! News - Radio Hosts to Pay Price for Fooling Fidel

By Jane Sutton MIAMI (Reuters) -
Two Miami radio hosts who duped Cuban President Fidel Castro with a prank call are soliciting pennies from their fans to pay a $4,000 fine proposed by U.S. regulators
because of the on-air stunt.

Talk radio host Enrique Santos said the fine made no sense, so he and co-host Joe Ferrero will pay it with 400,000 cents, delivered in person to the Federal Communications Commission in Washington.

"We prank-called a head of state in a country that is considered hostile to the United States. He's a violator of human rights and they're fining us $4,000," Santos said on Tuesday. "We just find it absurd."

Santos and Ferrero host "El Vacilon de la Manana," or "The Morning Joker," show on Spanish-language radio station WXDJ-FM in Miami. On June 17 they phoned Cuba's foreign relations ministry and pretended to be aides to Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, an admirer of Castro. They said Chavez needed to speak urgently to Castro because he had lost a suitcase full of sensitive documents during a recent trip
both leaders made to Argentina. The call was transferred through several government officials and when Castro came on the line, the pranksters used recorded snippets from a Chavez speech to make it seem the Venezuelan leader was calling -- phrases like "Fidel," and "How are you?" After getting Castro to agree to hunt for the suitcase, they called him a killer and told him he was on a Miami radio show. Castro replied with a string of curses and hung up. The call was broadcast five times over two days, to the delight of Miami's Castro-loathing Cuban exiles. But the FCC ruled last week that the station violated a regulation requiring that participants in phone conversations be told in advance if the call is being broadcast.

"It was in fact the intention and result of WXDJ's actions to fool and surprise the recipients of the call," the FCC said.

The commission proposed a $4,000 fine against WXDJ and gave it 30 days to pay it or contest it. Santos said station managers had not decided which to do, but that he and Ferrero would hold an on-air penny drive outside a furniture store on Thursday to raise money for the fine.

"The listeners are just outraged," he said. "We're asking people to just go through their drawers and cars for any old pennies and drop them off." The FCC said it acted because it received an informal complaint about the call, but did not say who complained.

Copyright 2004 Reuters Limited. All rights reserved.

(From my father-in-law)

A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He takes it to the
owner and asks, "How much for the bronze rat?"

"Twelve dollars for the rat ... a hundred dollars for the story," says the owner. The tourist gives the man twelve dollars, stating, "I'll just take the rat .... you can keep the story."

As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats have crawled out of alleys and sewers, and begun following him down the street. This is a bit disconcerting, so he begins walking a little
faster. Within a couple blocks, the group of rats behind him grows to over a hundred, and they begin squealing. He starts to trot toward the Bay. He takes a nervous look around and sees that the rats now number in the thousands, maybe
millions, and they are all squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.


Terrified, he runs to the edge of the Bay, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it, and are all drowned.

The man walks back to the curio shop.

"Ah ha," says the owner, "I'll bet you have come back for the story?"

"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat."

(From my father-in-law)

GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the Road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against
it!

RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is
already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm
talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay --- isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes
with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was an historic inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.

SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just witnessed eChicken2004, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

THE BIBLE: And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road,and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

BE THANKFUL, LIFE IS SHORT

(I forget where I got this. I think it's from my father-in-law.)

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends alot on the kind of chick he marries.

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar.

Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.

When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble tarts when they
try to decide which one.

If a man has enough horse sense to treat his ife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.

On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.

A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."

The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.

Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds, and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age, and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.


How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth.... Remember about
Algebra.

You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up, or leaks.

I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper, but it's really worse when you forget to pull it down.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft........Today, it's called Golf.

From my Dad, the gun collector)

The World's Largest Shotgun (Beehive Rounds For Abrams!)

Strategy Page.com | 15 Dec 03 |

One reason M-1 tanks are still frequently used for combat operations in Iraq is because they have a new shotgun type shell for use against hostile infantry.

The XM1028 shell holds 1100 10mm tungsten balls that are propelled out of the gun barrel and begin to disperse. The tungsten projectiles are lethal at up to 700 meters. The official, "... requirement is to defeat equal to or greater than 50% of a 10 man squad with 1 shot and equal to or greater than 50% of a 30 man platoon with 2 shots."

Production of the shell began last year,with up to 30,000 shells (costing over $3,000 each) to be produced. Some 2,000 shells have been produced so far, with another 3,000 being built in 2004 and 5,000 in the year after that.

In Iraq, the M-1 tank rolls down the road with an XM1028 round loaded and the gunner looking through his sight for potential targets. If attackers do pop up, a hail of 10mm projectiles can be fired at them in seconds.

At night, the XM1028 is even more lethal, for many hostile Iraqis still don't realize that the thermal sight on the

M-1 makes people clearly visible at night to the gunner, especially if they are carrying AK-47s or RPG launchers. The Iraqis still tend to bunch up,
which allows one XM1028 round to wipe out entire teams of hostile fighters.The
M-1 using the XM1028 shell is the world's largest shotgun.

(From my Dad)

American Medical Association's latest release.

Researchers have made a remarkable discovery. It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.


It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

Just thought you'd like to know.

(From my Dad)

15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away

12. I Liked You Better Before I Got To Know You So Well

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here

7. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison Now

6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

3. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

And, the Number One Favorite Country Song of 2003 is:

1. I Ain't Gone To Bed With No Ugly Women, But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few

(From my wife)

I was going to send this out to a number of people,
but wondered if I'm missing some important point. So sending
it to you for your comments. I just wish our lawmakers
would spend time doing other more important stuff than
debating on the floor how correct one bullet is over another...
because we wouldn't want to OFFEND them more after killing
or shooting atthem. Now your and our soldiers' supplies
might be in danger.

Also, on another note... I see that Cheney said the "f-word"
on the floor. Now, this does show that he's human and expressing
himself coarsely -- but the way the argument was described,
I just really think of the Roman Senate as we think or
know it was at the end of Roman rule.

The original message follows
========

Political correctness to the extreme.... it's okay to
shoot 'em, just don't shoot 'em with the bullet made by
Isralis because they disagree with each other!!?!?
Oddly Enough - Reuters
U.S. Army Told Not to Use Israeli Bullets in Iraq

Fri Jun 25, 7:50 AM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Israeli-made bullets bought by the
U.S. Army to plug a shortfall should be used for training
only, not to fight Muslim guerrillas in Iraq (news - web
sites) and Afghanistan (news - web sites), U.S. lawmakers
told Army generals on Thursday. Since the Army has
other stockpiled ammunition, "by no means, under any circumstan
es should a round (from Israel) be utilized," said Rep.
Neil Abercrombie of Hawaii, the top Democrat on a House
of Representatives Armed Services subcommittee with jurisdictio
over land forces. The Army contracted with Israel Military
Industries Ltd. in December for $70 million in small-caliber
ammunition. The Israeli firm was one of only two worldwide
that could meet U.S. technical specifications and delivery
needs, said Brig. Gen. Paul Izzo, the Army's program executive
officer for ammunition. The other was East Alton, Illinois-base
Winchester Ammunition, which also received a $70 million
contract. Although the Army should not have to worry about
"political correctness," Abercrombie was making a valid
point about the propaganda pitfalls of using Israeli rounds
in the U.S.-declared war on terror, said Rep. Curt Weldon,
the Pennsylvania Republican who chairs the subcommittee
on tactical air and land forces. "There's a sensitivity
that I think all of us recognize," Weldon told the Army
witnesses, including Maj. Gen. Buford Blount, who led
the U.S. Third Infantry Division that captured Baghdad in
April 2003. Blount, now the Army's assistant deputy
chief of staff, said the Army had sufficient small caliber
ammunition -- 5.56mm, 7.62mm and .50 caliber -- to conduct
current operations in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere.
But taken together with training needs, the United States
had strained its production facilities, he testified.
"To fight a major combat operation in another theater
will require the Army to impose restrictions on training
expenditures and to focus current inventory and new production
on combat operations," Blount said. As a result, he
said the Army hoped to stretch U.S. supplies to supplement
the capacity of the government-owned Lake City plant in
Independence, Missouri, that currently makes more than
90 percent of U.S. small caliber ammunition. The Lake
City factory, operated by Alliant Techsystems Inc., has
nearly quadrupled its production in the past four years.
This year, it will produce more than 1.2 billion rounds,
Karen Davies, president of the ATK arm that runs it, told
the panel. Lake City provided more than 2 billion rounds
a year during World War II and Vietnam, she said. The
Army's needs will grow to about 1.5 billion to 1.7 billion
rounds a year in coming years, Blount said. "In the near-term,
balancing training requirements with current operational
needs is a manageable risk-mitigation strategy," he said.
The Army does not want to repeat its history of building
capacity during wartime "only to dismantle it in peacetime,"
Blount added.

Copyright © 2004 Reuters Limited. All rights reserved.
Republication or redistribution of Reuters content is expressly
prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters.
Reuters shall not be liable for any errors or delays in
the content, or for any actions taken in reliance thereon.


Copyright © 2004 Yahoo! Inc. All rights reserved.

WHAT'S GOING RIGHT IN IRAQ
By Jeff Jacoby
The Boston Globe
Sunday, June 20, 2004
http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/
articles/2004/06/20/whats_going_right_in_iraq/

To hear the media tell it, virtually nothing in Iraq is
going right. Suicide terrorism, Abu Ghraib, sabotaged pipelines,
swelling anti-American sentiment -- the coverage has been
focused on almost all bad news, almost all the time.

Which hardly comes as a surprise. As an old journalistic
rule of thumb puts it, "If it doesn't bleed, it doesn't
lead." In most newsrooms, good news is usually no news.
But don't be fooled. There are plenty of good-news stories
in Iraq, too. Here are half a dozen.

* * *
Moqtada al-Sadr's uprising is kaput. The firebrand cleric
issued a statement on Wednesday directing his gunmen to
stop fighting and go home. If they comply, the bloody rebellion
he launched in April will have ended in failure.

Sadr never managed to win mass support among Iraq's Shiites;
indeed he was taken to the woodshed by the country's senior
Shiite leader, Grand Ayatollah Ali Sistani. Now Sadr says
he supports the interim Iraqi government headed by Iyad
Allawi, and will set up a political party of his own,
presumably to take part in next January's elections. It
wasn't long ago that Sadr was denouncing Iraqi politicians
for cooperating with the United States. Now he is poised
to become one of them.

* * *

For the first time, an Iraqi soccer team has qualified
for the Olympics. The team clinched its Olympic slot with
a 3-1 victory over Saudi Arabia on May 12. All told, some
30 Iraqi athletes will be traveling to the games in Athens
this summer. Win or lose, they will be able to compete
without fear, knowing that even if they fail to bring home
a medal, there will be no punishment at the hands of Uday
Saddam Hussein. It was the practice of the dictator's
late son to torture Iraqi athletes who were not successful
in international competitions. Thanks to the US Army, Uday
and his sadism no longer exist.

* * *

In the first quarter of 2004, the United Nations High
Commissioner for Refugees reports, fewer than 93,000 people
sought political asylum in the developed nations -- 16
percent below the previous quarter and a drop of more
than 25 percent from the first quarter of 2003.

Why the decline? Because Afghans and Iraqis, who used
to make up the largest groups of asylum-seekers, are now
far less likely to flee their homelands. From Jan. 1 to
March 31 of this year, only 2,143 Iraqis requested asylum
in another country -- 81 percent less than in the same
quarter last year. As one commentator has noted, that's
what can happen when UNHCR's 'partners' include the US
Marines.

* * *

With the help of a retired US naval officer, scouting is
being revived in Iraq. Chip Beck, a former Boy Scout himself,
is recruiting 80 young Iraqis for leadership training by
the Arab Scout Association in Cairo. Volunteer scouting
in Iraq dates back to 1921, but the movement was severely
crippled during Saddam's reign. Now, along with Texas
businessman (and former Eagle Scout) Mike Bradle, Beck hopes
to raise $4 million to establish a scouting camp for boys
and girls in a former secret police compound on the Tigris
River near Baghdad.

"If the world is looking to combat violence and extremism,"
Beck says, "the Scout method of teaching universal values
-- honor, integrity, and morality -- is proven."

* * *

According to veteran Middle East journalist Amir Taheri,
there is good news on the economic front as well. The value
of the Iraqi dinar has grown by almost 15 percent in the
last three months against the US dollar. It has similarly
gained on the Kuwaiti dinar and the Iranian rial, the
two most-traded local currencies. Despite the recent violence,
millions of Shiite pilgrims are visiting (and spending
money in) Najaf and Karbala, where a building boom is
underway. Meanwhile, Iraqi farmers have harvested a record
wheat crop, raising hopes that the country might once again
become, as it was before Saddam, agriculturally self-sufficient.

* * *

On June 11, US military commanders bestowed awards for
valor on five Iraqis -- soldiers in the Iraqi Civil Defense
Corps -- for saving the life of a US Marine during an
ambush in Al Karmah. When the Marine was shot by insurgents,
the Iraqi riflemen with whom he and other members of the
1st Battalion, 5th Marines were patrolling with didn't
hesitate. The citation presented to Imad Abid Zeid Jassim
tells the story:

"Under a hail of enemy fire that was accurately targeted
on the wounded Marine, and without regard for his own safety,
Private Imad Jassim moved forward . . . . He dragged the
wounded Marine out of the line of fire to a covered and
concealed position . . . reengaged the enemy . . . aggressively
pushed forward . . . dislodged the enemy fighters. . . .
His efforts clearly saved the life of the Marine."

You might not know it from much of the press coverage,
but not all Iraqis hate their American "occupiers." Many
of them appreciate the sacrifices US troops are making
to secure Iraqi freedom. Some appreciate it so much, in
fact, that they are willing to put their lives on the
line when an American soldier is in danger.

(Jeff Jacoby is a columnist for The Boston Globe.)
-- ## --

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list, please visit http://www.JeffJacoby.com. To see a
month's worth of his recent columns, go to http://www.boston.co
/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/jacoby/.

Jeff Jacoby welcomes comments and reads all his mail.
Unfortunately, he receives so many letters that he cannot
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-- ## --

This is some very interesting reading. You have to read
the catalogue of events in this brief piece. Then, ask
yourself how anyone can take the position that all we
have to do is bring our troops home from Iraq, sit back,
re-set the snooze alarm, go back to sleep, and no one
will ever bother us again.

In case you missed it, World War III began in November
1979...that alarm has been ringing for years.

U.S. Navy Captain Phil Ouimette is the Executive Officer
at Naval Air.Station, Pensacola, Florida.

Here is a copy of the speech he gave last month. It is
an accurate account of why we are in so much trouble today
and why this action is so necessary.

AMERICA NEEDS TO WAKE UP!

That's what we think we heard on the 11th of September
2001-AD (When more than 3,000 Americans were killed) and
maybe it was, but I think it should have been "Get Out
of Bed!" In fact, I think the alarm clock has been buzzing
since 1979 and we have continued to hit the snooze button
and roll over for a few more minutes of peaceful sleep
since then.

It was a cool fall day in November 1979 in a country going
through a religious and political upheaval when a group
of Iranian students attacked and seized the American Embassy
in Tehran. This seizure was an outright attack on American
soil; it was an attack that held the world's most powerful
country hostage and paralyzed a Presidency. The attack
on this sovereign U. S. embassy set the stage for events
to follow for the next 23 years.

America was still reeling from the aftermath of the Vietnam
experience and had a serious threat from the Soviet Union
when then, President Carter, had to do some thing. He
chose to conduct a clandestine raid in the desert. The
ill-fated mission ended in ruin, but stood as a symbol
of America's inability to deal with terrorism.

America's military had been decimated and downsized/right
sized since the end of the Vietnam War. A poorly trained,
poorly equipped and poorly organized military was called
on to execute a complex mission that was doomed from the
start.

Shortly after the Tehran experience, Americans began
to be kidnapped and killed throughout the Middle East.
America could do little to protect her citizens living
and working abroad. The attacks against US soil continued.

In April of 1983 a large vehicle packed with high explosives
was driven into the US Embassy compound in Beirut. When
it explodes, it kills 63 people. The alarm went off again
and America hit the Snooze Button once more.

Then just six short months later a large truck heavily
laden down with over 2500 pounds of TNT smashed through
the main gate of the US Marine Corps headquarters in Beirut
and 241 US servicemen are killed. America mourns her
dead and hit the Snooze Button once more.

Two months later in December 1983, another truck loaded
with explosives is driven into the US Embassy in Kuwait,
and America continues her slumber.

The following year, in September 1984, another van was
driven into the gates of the US Embassy in Beirut and
America slept.

Soon the terrorism spreads to Europe. In April 1985 a
bomb explodes in a restaurant frequented by US soldiers
in Madrid.

Then in August a Volkswagen loaded with explosives is driven
into the main gate of the US Air Force Base at Rhein-Main,
22 are killed and the snooze alarm is buzzing louder and
louder as US interests are continually attacked.

Fifty-nine days later a cruise ship, the Achille Lauro
is hijacked and we watched as an American in a wheelchair
is singled out of the passenger list and executed.

The terrorists then shift their tactics to bombing civilian
airliners when they bomb TWA Flight 840 in April of 1986
that killed 4 and the most tragic bombing, Pan Am Flight
103 over Lockerbie, Scotland in 1988, killing 259.

Clinton treated these terrorist acts as crimes; in fact
we are still trying to bring these people to trial. These
are acts of war.

The wake up alarm is getting louder and louder. The terrorists
decide to bring the fight to America. In January 1993,
two CIA agents are shot and killed as they enter CIA headquarter
in Langley, Virginia.

The following month, February 1993, a group of terrorists
are arrested after a rented van packed with explosives
is driven into the underground parking garage of the World
Trade Center in New York City. Six people are killed
and over 1000 are injured. Still this is a crime and not
an act of war?

The Snooze alarm is depressed again. Then in November 1995
a car bomb explodes at a US military complex in Riyadh,
Saudi Arabia killing seven service men and women.

A few months later in June of 1996, another truck bomb
explodes only 35 yards from the US military compound
in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia. It destroys the Khobar Towers,
a US Air Force barracks, killing 19 and injuring over 500.
The terrorists are getting braver and smarter as they
see that America does not respond decisively.

They move to coordinate their attacks in a simultaneous
attack on two US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania. These
attacks were planned with precision. They kill 224. America
responds with cruise missile attacks and goes backto
sleep.

The USS Cole was docked in the port of Aden, Yemen
for refueling on 12 October 2000, when a small craft
pulled along side the ship and exploded killing 17 US Navy
Sailors. Attacking a US War Ship is an act of war, but
we sent the FBI to investigate the crime and went back
to sleep.

And of course you know the events of 11 September 2001.
Most Americans think this was the first attack against
US soil or in America. How wrong they are. America has
been under a constant attack since 1979 and we chose to
hit the snooze alarm and roll over and go back to sleep.

In the news lately we have seen lots of finger pointing
from every high official in government over what they
knew and what they didn't know. But if you've read the
papers and paid a little attention I think you can see
exactly what they knew. You don't have to be in the FBI
or CIA or on the National Security Council to see the
pattern that has been developing since 1979.

The President is right on when he says we are engaged in
a war. I think we have been in a war for the past 23 years
and it will continue until we as a people decide enough
is enough.

America needs to "Get out of Bed" and act decisively now.
America has been changed forever. We have to be ready
to pay the price and make the sacrifice to ensure our
way of life continues. We cannot afford to keep hitting
the snooze button again and again and roll over and go
back to sleep.

After the attack on Pearl Harbor, Admiral Yamamoto said
"...it seems all we have done is awakened a sleeping giant."
This is the message we need to disseminate to terrorists
around the world.

Support Our Troops and support President Bush for having
the courage, political or militarily, to address what
so many who preceded him didn't have the backbone to do
both Democrat and Republican. This is not a political thing
to be hashed over in an election year this is an AMERICAN
thing. This is about our Freedom and the Freedom of our
children in years to come.