Sunday, September 12, 2004
Knees
I admit it. I didn't understand. I've watched movies like "If You Could See What I Hear", and heard/read untold stories of "handicapped" people all my life. I thought the stories I heard were "noble", "inspiring", etc.
I didn't realize what they really were.
Let me explain. I was diagnosed with arthritis when I was 3. I am almost 31. I have lived with pain in my knees for most of my life. Used to it. No big deal. It never really slowed me down.
Until a couple of months ago.
Now, thanks to the current state of my knees, I dread having to go up stairs, no matter how few. I avoid it if possible. (I live in a three-story house. My bathroom is on the third floor, my carport is the first floor.)
Today was a "good knee day". At one point, I thought my right knee was going to collapse under me ... but there was no pain.
I am all but 31, and when I have a "bad knee day" I move slower, and more feebly than my grandfather. He is 81, suffers from what will be terminal emphysema, and has had a stroke!
This is unacceptable. I will not tolerate this. I will not tolerate my superiors at work "rethinking" their personal involvement in marathons because of my knees, and me limping! (Because they could be like this)
I realize that I have been brought to this point by my choice of profession. I am in the Army, I have to run. I didn't expect this so soon.
But on the other hand, I will not ... I am almost 31 ... I have roughly 50 more years to live. I will walk for all of those years! This career is not worth the ability to walk, or stand. I will quit and do something, anything else before I cripple myself doing this.
I have pups (I own two pups). I want kids. I will need to be able to play with them all. I refuse to do that on crutches, or with a cane, or from a wheelchair.
And pity ... I guess that is what really kills me. I, finally, get to the floor of the building (the building with no elevator) I work on, and limp into work ... and get looks of pity from people that I wouldn't waste the effort of spitting on! It pisses me off! I leave work to go to Physical Therapy for my knees and get sympathy from these same schmucks ... it pisses me off!
And that is what motivated all of those "inspirational" stories. They were pissed off! They knew they could do more.
I didn't realize what they really were.
Let me explain. I was diagnosed with arthritis when I was 3. I am almost 31. I have lived with pain in my knees for most of my life. Used to it. No big deal. It never really slowed me down.
Until a couple of months ago.
Now, thanks to the current state of my knees, I dread having to go up stairs, no matter how few. I avoid it if possible. (I live in a three-story house. My bathroom is on the third floor, my carport is the first floor.)
Today was a "good knee day". At one point, I thought my right knee was going to collapse under me ... but there was no pain.
I am all but 31, and when I have a "bad knee day" I move slower, and more feebly than my grandfather. He is 81, suffers from what will be terminal emphysema, and has had a stroke!
This is unacceptable. I will not tolerate this. I will not tolerate my superiors at work "rethinking" their personal involvement in marathons because of my knees, and me limping! (Because they could be like this)
I realize that I have been brought to this point by my choice of profession. I am in the Army, I have to run. I didn't expect this so soon.
But on the other hand, I will not ... I am almost 31 ... I have roughly 50 more years to live. I will walk for all of those years! This career is not worth the ability to walk, or stand. I will quit and do something, anything else before I cripple myself doing this.
I have pups (I own two pups). I want kids. I will need to be able to play with them all. I refuse to do that on crutches, or with a cane, or from a wheelchair.
And pity ... I guess that is what really kills me. I, finally, get to the floor of the building (the building with no elevator) I work on, and limp into work ... and get looks of pity from people that I wouldn't waste the effort of spitting on! It pisses me off! I leave work to go to Physical Therapy for my knees and get sympathy from these same schmucks ... it pisses me off!
And that is what motivated all of those "inspirational" stories. They were pissed off! They knew they could do more.
