Monday, March 27, 2006
Finally!
This article talks about an issue that is near and dear to my heart.
ESPECIALLY, if you have read the article first, I need to explain.
There are 5 boys on the face of the planet that I consider nephews, thanks to various family ties. One is Brandon.
My younger brother fathered Brandon when he was an undergrad in Texas (1990). Craig, my brother, never married the mother. He took responsibility for the child, as much as she would let him. He paid for the pregnancy test, he has paid child support, even though the mother, up until recently, has denied him ALL of his court-granted custody rights, and has fought for over 14 years to have his name put on the birth certificate, as the father (the mother has blocked this, consistently, even though DNA tests exist that prove Craig is the father).
My brother, being much smarter than most of my family gave him credit at the time, wanted to be a father to Brandon, but realized that marrying the mother was probably the worst thing he could ever do to the child. In hindsight, my family agrees.
There is a ridiculous double standard here!
A "deadbeat dad" is, by definition, someone that was married to the mother and refuses to live up to his court-mandated responsibilities towards his children.
If Craig had been married to the mother even for a day, he would be a responsible divorced father.
As it is, my brother's child does not have my brother's name on his birth certificate. My brother pays child support, has fought and lost in court to have his name put on his son's birth certificate, multiple times, and has no visitation rights, in reality.
My brother has a home, a good paying, steady job, and a wife that dearly loves her stepson.
My nephew's mother lays dying, as I write this, in a hospital bed, and the only reason that my brother may get custody of his son, eventually, is that the step-father does not want him after the mother is gone. The fact that the stepfather can't seem to hold a job, and the mother doesn't/can't work doesn;t seem to matter.
So, how is this right?
I don't advocate making the mistakes my brother made. Craig has, though, done his best to act in a responsible manner regarding them, after the fact. Penalizing him because he didn't compound his error by marrying the wrong woman is reprehensible.
ESPECIALLY, if you have read the article first, I need to explain.
There are 5 boys on the face of the planet that I consider nephews, thanks to various family ties. One is Brandon.
My younger brother fathered Brandon when he was an undergrad in Texas (1990). Craig, my brother, never married the mother. He took responsibility for the child, as much as she would let him. He paid for the pregnancy test, he has paid child support, even though the mother, up until recently, has denied him ALL of his court-granted custody rights, and has fought for over 14 years to have his name put on the birth certificate, as the father (the mother has blocked this, consistently, even though DNA tests exist that prove Craig is the father).
My brother, being much smarter than most of my family gave him credit at the time, wanted to be a father to Brandon, but realized that marrying the mother was probably the worst thing he could ever do to the child. In hindsight, my family agrees.
There is a ridiculous double standard here!
A "deadbeat dad" is, by definition, someone that was married to the mother and refuses to live up to his court-mandated responsibilities towards his children.
If Craig had been married to the mother even for a day, he would be a responsible divorced father.
As it is, my brother's child does not have my brother's name on his birth certificate. My brother pays child support, has fought and lost in court to have his name put on his son's birth certificate, multiple times, and has no visitation rights, in reality.
My brother has a home, a good paying, steady job, and a wife that dearly loves her stepson.
My nephew's mother lays dying, as I write this, in a hospital bed, and the only reason that my brother may get custody of his son, eventually, is that the step-father does not want him after the mother is gone. The fact that the stepfather can't seem to hold a job, and the mother doesn't/can't work doesn;t seem to matter.
So, how is this right?
I don't advocate making the mistakes my brother made. Craig has, though, done his best to act in a responsible manner regarding them, after the fact. Penalizing him because he didn't compound his error by marrying the wrong woman is reprehensible.
